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have this awesome recipe I invented

WHERE'S MY GODDAMN PIE


Ingredients:

- 5 or 6 sweet potatoes, scrubbed & with just the ends nicked off
- 1 butternut squash, scrubbed & stabbed full of holes
- 1/2 red onion
- 1/2 lb unsalted shelled peanuts. Or, fuck it, just use a whole pound, they're tasty
- 1 bunch scallions (2, if you really like 'em)
- 1 bulb garlic. Not a clove. A BULB.
- 2 tbsp Islay scotch; not the fancy-pants quarter cask stuff your brother got you for Christmas, the regular stuff
- red wine
- vegetable broth, IDK, like a pint or a quart or something
- 1 shitton arugula. If you've got one of those pre-washed salad bags of it, just grab the whole thing
- olive oil and/or butter
- salt
- pepper

• Preheat oven to 380º F and bake sweet potatoes & squash for 1.5 – 1.75 hrs or until flesh is soft & skins blackened where they sit on the pan

• Peel & mince garlic. All the garlic. THE ENTIRE BULB, MOTHERFUCKERS; DON'T FUCKING STINT ON IT.

• If you feel like you have too much garlic, get a SECOND bulb and mince up about half of that shit

• Dump garlic in cast-iron skillet with olive oil & set aside. You can use a regular, not!cast-iron skillet, but why the fuck would you want to do that

• Chop onion medium-fine & add to skillet

• Put peanuts in a bag & grab a hammer & crush them into bits. But not too fine; big bits of peanuts are awesome and will be tasty and have good texture

• Add peanuts to skillet.

• Slip sweet potatoes & butternut squash out of their skins, which should be fairly easy to do or you haven't cooked them long enough, and scoop out the innards of the squash

• Dump everything orange into your soup pot

• Pour broth over orange stuff (sweet potatoes & squash). Grab fork & mash until more or less puréed. Put on low – medium-low heat & do other stuff

• Add the slug or two of scotch. Add the scotch NOW, not later; it needs to do its thing early on

• Put skillet with garlic, peanuts, & onion over medium-high heat. You'll prob have to add more olive oil; just fucking go for it. Or add butter, whichever.

• Cook that shit, stirring frequently, for, IDK, 10, 15 minutes, however long "Voodoo Child" lasts

• In between stirring your garlic-peanut-onion mixture, chop scallions finely & drop in soup pot. Add salt & pepper to taste, then add just a little more

• No, seriously, if it tastes just slightly too salty, it's perfect, 'cause it won't taste too salty after the garlic goes in

• Cook what's in the skillet until well browned. Nothing blackened, but liberally browned, and don't shy away from the olive oil

• Take skillet off the heat & chop all the arugula & throw it in the pot. I just grab it by the handful and chop it up with a pair of scissors, it's way faster, but I guess you can use a cutting board and a kitchen knife if you're masochistic

• Stir. Add some water until it looks right, like a pint or 3 cups or something like that

• Glug some wine into the skillet, return to not-quite-high heat, & cook, stirring constantly, for the duration of "People Are Strange"

• Dump that shit in your soup pot; get ALL of it, this is the good part

• Stir

• Add more red wine. Stir. Add more. Keep going till it tastes right

• Cover & simmer or even just let it cook in its own internal heat for roughly the amount of time "Slow Ride," "Fortunate Son," "Time Has Come Today" (full-length version), "Peace of Mind" (or "Gallows Pole" or something ifyou have no fucking taste and you don't like Boston), any given AC/DC song b/c they're interchangeable, "Torn and Frayed," & "Alice's Restaurant" (any version)

• Eat the best fucking soup you've ever had in your fucking life

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Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
shadowturquoise
Dec. 31st, 2011 12:56 am (UTC)
LOL! If the soup is half as good as the recipe is interesting, this is going to be awesomely yummy!
elliptic_eye
Dec. 31st, 2011 02:07 am (UTC)
It is BETTER
kaffyr
Dec. 31st, 2011 12:58 am (UTC)
I think I may love you. This sounds like one of the few soups of this sort that I could eat without it having a chicken broth base. (I just worked out a squash-apple-curry soup that uses apple cider/juice and chicken broth ... need to write that one down ....)

Could bourbon be substituted for Scotch, or would that fuck up the taste too badly, do you think? I love bourbon, and ... don't love scotch. *ducks* I used to when I was young, but no longer.

Also, I love your timing method. Makes great sense to me.
elliptic_eye
Dec. 31st, 2011 02:11 am (UTC)
It's fucking amazing. Which is not something I usually say about my cooking. I sort of stumbled over it by accident when I had an acorn squash I needed to use somehow, which led to the prototype version of this soup—which sucked, but made illuminated the True Path, and this time it all came together in a supernova of deliciousnes. And garlic.

Re: bourbon: probably? If the issue is that you don't think you'd like the taste of the scotch, I really don't think that will be a problem: it blends beautifully (hence the need to put it in early). If the issue is that you don't happen to own any scotch, then, I say, there is one foolproof way to find out.
nonelvis
Dec. 31st, 2011 02:00 am (UTC)
My God, woman, how much soup does this make?
elliptic_eye
Dec. 31st, 2011 02:13 am (UTC)
Not that much, really. Mater & I each had a big bowl tonight, and there are three big bowls left. If it's not the only thing you're eating, could serve ten; if the soup = the meal, serves six well or five to bursting point.
scarletsherlock
Jan. 3rd, 2012 10:21 pm (UTC)
Is this "Cooking with Dean Winchester"?

I would watch that.

Also, yum.
elliptic_eye
Jan. 10th, 2012 05:33 am (UTC)
Cooking with Dean Winchester's iPod, anyway. Or after Sam had thoroughly fucked with it.

IT IS YUM. And nutritious and stuff, being full of fiber and vitamins and all these other things they tell me are good for normal functioning.
airie_fairy
Jan. 4th, 2012 12:59 am (UTC)
SAVED. Partly because you should write a fuckin' cookbook. I'd buy like fifty copies. And partly because YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT GARLIC QUANTITY.
elliptic_eye
Jan. 10th, 2012 05:34 am (UTC)
Except it'd be one slim cookbook; there'd be nothing else to go in it. :/ But it is clear to me that there is a market for garlic-oriented recipes that is just begging to be milked by somebody who has figured out how to make more than two palatable dishes in her life.
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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Elliptical Faulkner

I decline to accept the end of man.
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